I have this concern that I’m not truly a blogger until I’ve read and analyzed Fifty Shades of Grey all over this town.
But I don’t have time for this crap so here’s the biz.
1. It doesn’t matter how, if housewives are getting off I support it. 2. My thoughts about BDSM will have to be addressed elsewhere, but if this somehow unleashes someone’s fantasy, good on em. 3. WHOOOP for the increased sales of Ben Wa balls.
#3 is my main and favorite concern here. I hope people all across America are doing their Kegel’s right now.
Can’t help but post this hilarious video from Fun Factory, a sex toy maker.
Despite the bad music, it does contain truth about your pelvic floor muscles, childbirth, sex and all that healthy vagina goodness. So, YEAH.
I can’t help but directly plagiarize myself, since next to ranting, I think the most important thing about blogging is getting people access to information. Here is a brief list of links that I think may be helpful. xox
SEX/REPRODUCTIVE HEALTH: Planned Parenthood Amazing resource. Can’t say enough good about them. Birth control, abortions, health access, etc. Our Bodies Ourselves. General Health, woman’s health, pregnancy, sexuality, etc. This book should be in everyone’s library.
Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom This is a great alternative health resource that i have turned to again and again to take care of myself by Dr. Christiane Northrup. It was recommended to me in a pap smear crisis and i think you need this book. Orgasm, Inc. This is a great new flick about the medical industries search for “pink viagra” and the medicalization of “female sexual dysfunction.” Truly fascinating and pertinent.
Cycle Savvy by Toni Weschler. Written for teens but a great way to get in touch with your cycle, track your ovulation, know your body, etc.
Nina Hartley’s Guide to Total Sex. (And Nina Hartley in general!!) Click this link for porn, sex education, how to’s and rockin feminist sex positive perspective.
Are We Having Fun Yet If you read this book, you will surely know it’s so dated, but i sort of look at it as a bit groundbreaking for its time.
SEX TOYS: Good Vibrations. Sex Toys, sex info, amazing staff, sex positive kick ass mission, amazing museum of vibrators. Condoms, lube, dildoes, vibrators, etc. If you have any fear or questions or hesitation, go to them!
Babeland Seriously, are you getting the picture? Buy some sex toys. It’s worth it. Explore, play, figure it out, enjoy! HISTORY OF VIBRATORS And while we are on the topic of sex toys, might as well learn about their history. An all time favorite topic of mine.
The Technology of Orgasm by Rachel Maines. She is my history superhero. Ever wonder where and why vibrators were invented? Yeah, it’s good. Passion and Power Lil’ flick on the topic, featuring Rachel Maines herself. Dated but informative!
OPEN RELATIONSHIPS: i would start with Tristan Taormino, one of my personal heroes. i have long respected her feminist porn and sex education, and she recently moved into the realm of relationship advice. Her book is called “Opening Up“. She is bad ass and you can sort of skip around this book like it’s a resource. You can read it cover to cover for sure, which i would recommend if you’ve never even considered non-monogamy.
Then there is always the classic, “The Ethical Slut,” which people (including me!) often complain is too hippie, but it’s good if you can get past that. Especially what they have to say about jealousy. It’s okay to be jealous when your partner is on a date with someone else, you just have to fess up to the emotion, recognize where it’s coming from, and get the support you need.
There is a more casual story-like book called “Open” by Jenny Block. This book is a narrative of Jenny’s experiences with non-monogamy. She sort of tells her life story from childhood to being in an open marriage. It’s a quick read and definitely reassuring if you feel like you are alone in your process.
Lastly, and possibly most excitingly, “Sex at Dawn.” It’s my hope and dream that their more scientific approach to questioning whether or not monogamy is natural will open up a whole new realm of investigation on the matter.
PORN Tristan Taormino is absolutely my favorite porn director/sex educator. She has the most feminist bad ass approach to pornography and hot/sexy/informative sex education. The first film of hers i ever saw was The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Woman. She somehow combines an informative how to video with some hot damn porn. You can be into anal sex or not, i would recommend checking this out as a good intro to how porn can be more than grody degrading cum shots.
For feminist porn that isn’t instructional in nature, take a look at her Chemistry series. This is a brilliant, hot, unscripted porn series where she hires porn stars, puts them in a house together for a weekend, and films them fucking. It is so good. If you have a hard time getting into the idea of porn but are still compelled to take a look, start with this. Complete with interviews with the actors/actresses; it’s fascinating and hot.
I could go on about Tristan forever, but i will let you do some exploring on your own.
Annie Sprinkle! Goddess of Sex! So her porn is a little dated, but her books are fucking outstanding. It’s a stellar look into her life. Her website is a great resource for a sex positive outlook. One of her best contributions to society was the Public Cervix Announcement. As a post-porn performance artist, Annie did a performance piece where she invited the audience to the stage to take a look at her cervix. Thank you, Annie!
violet blue. Author of The Smart Girls Guide to Porn, violet blue knows her feminist porn. i admit that there was a time in my life i though i needed to be against porn to be a feminist. Fuck that! Porn can be fun if you have a positive approach to it and can feel good about the actors/actresses.
Eros Blog i don’t know too much or have too much to say about this blog. But it has some fascinating historical photos and crazy archives of pornographic photos. Definitely worth a look.
FEMINISM Cunt has to be one of the best things to read, ever. If you haven’t read it, i highly recommend checking out this little gem by Inga Musico. It would not be an understatement to say it was life changing.
Eve Ensler is a great feminist author, playwright and performance artist. Her most famous work is The Vagina Monologues. It’s an incredibly powerful performance to go check out.
RAPE/SEXUAL ABUSE Fugitivus blog. This blog is incredibly cathartic to read; it’s rightfully angry, personal, and fearless.
Healing Sex: A Mind Body Approach to Healing Sexual Trauma. This resource is by Staci Haines. It employs a somatic healing approach to overcoming sexual trauma. It is mostly directed at people abused in their youth but is a guide for anyone. I wouldn’t recommend starting to read this until you are ready to address your abuse head on.
I am cynical enough that I wasn’t surprised by the news that North Carolina voted for an amendment to their state constitution to ban same sex marriage. As if their law banning it wasn’t enough. Better make it double secret safe.
If you have to defend it that hard, when do you come to the realization that obviously your opinions are getting a little silly and outdated.
30 states in the nation are so afraid that they gays might ruin the sanctity of their god fearing marriages that they won’t allow consenting adults to do what they damn please.
One day we’ll get it right, but until then, le sigh…
Some things are so rage inducing that they cause you to start a blog.
I’ve been enraged by Fair and Lovely, a skin lightening cream used in Africa and India that bleaches your skin with the intent of making you whiter, and therefore somehow more attractive. I studied abroad in Kenya when I was an undergrad, and I promise you that people actually use this heinous. One of my homestay sisters would very casually apply it, and when I pressed her for details about it, would simply say “oh, it’s just my cream.” It’s so horrifying that we assign so much importance to whiteness that people freely apply this crap to their bodies that there is no way I can address all of the implications in one blog.
I’ve also been equally or possibly more enraged by My New Pink Button. MNPB is a “temporary dye to restore the youthful pink color back to your labia.” It’s apparently supposed to keep your lady bits looking young since as we age we get “genital color loss.” Oh, and when we make babies. Dirty stuff that.
Women don’t need another thing they are comparing themselves to other women about or another way to live up to a non-existent ideal. Especially when inevitable differences like age and race are being fetishized. And when the process of getting there “burns.” I’ve researched a bunch and haven’t found any ingredients yet. But the chemicals that are in MNPB cannot possibly be okay to put anywhere near your vag. (Especially if they don’t even have the gall to list the ingredients on the website!)
And now we’ve really done it by combining the two. Clean and Dry is a great new product that will leave you “fresher, cleaner, fairer!” As if the idea of douching isn’t insane enough already, preying on the most ridiculous of lady insecurities, this product is bleaching while douching, and that’s just perfect.
One of the ads portrays an (already light skinned) couple clearly not having enough sex. But somehow this lightening douche magically makes everything more magical again. How is it possible that we have taken racism and sexism so far and so intertwined as to be disrupting our poor lady bits in such a foul manner? It makes me so sad that in some ways we have come so far, but in the ways that matter, we are still so far from having figured it out.
Everyone has different colored vaginas. That’s fact. Whatever natural stat your labia/vulva/vag/general lady parts are in is beautiful and perfect. Don’t go fucking with products like this to make em more appealing. Gross! There is no normal vag color, and thank god. Yours is right.
My favorite kind of science is the “duh” science. Usually people make fun of it, because the published findings have titles like “Water makes you wet.” or “Hungry people like food.” Sure you can laugh, but without someone going out and doing this basic science, its impossible to move on to more complicated and advanced things. So when I read this recent studies headline “Is Some Homophobia Self-Phobia?” all I could say to myself was “duh!”
Homophobia is more pronounced in individuals with an unacknowledged attraction to the same sex and who grew up with authoritarian parents who forbade such desires, a series of psychology studies demonstrates.
The study is the first to document the role that both parenting and sexual orientation play in the formation of intense and visceral fear of homosexuals, including self-reported homophobic attitudes, discriminatory bias, implicit hostility towards gays, and endorsement of anti-gay policies. Conducted by a team from the University of Rochester, the University of Essex, England, and the University of California in Santa Barbara, the research will be published the April issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
“Individuals who identify as straight but in psychological tests show a strong attraction to the same sex may be threatened by gays and lesbians because homosexuals remind them of similar tendencies within themselves,” explains Netta Weinstein, a lecturer at the University of Essex and the study’s lead author.
“In many cases these are people who are at war with themselves and they are turning this internal conflict outward,” adds co-author Richard Ryan, professor of psychology at the University of Rochester who helped direct the research.
The paper includes four separate experiments, conducted in the United States and Germany, with each study involving an average of 160 college students. The findings provide new empirical evidence to support the psychoanalytic theory that the fear, anxiety, and aversion that some seemingly heterosexual people hold toward gays and lesbians can grow out of their own repressed same-sex desires, Ryan says. The results also support the more modern self-determination theory, developed by Ryan and Edward Deci at the University of Rochester, which links controlling parenting to poorer self-acceptance and difficulty valuing oneself unconditionally.
The findings may help to explain the personal dynamics behind some bullying and hate crimes directed at gays and lesbians, the authors argue. Media coverage of gay-related hate crimes suggests that attackers often perceive some level of threat from homosexuals. People in denial about their sexual orientation may lash out because gay targets threaten and bring this internal conflict to the forefront, the authors write.
The research also sheds light on high profile cases in which anti-gay public figures are caught engaging in same-sex sexual acts. The authors write that this dynamic of inner conflict may be reflected in such examples as Ted Haggard, the evangelical preacher who opposed gay marriage but was exposed in a gay sex scandal in 2006, and Glenn Murphy, Jr., former chairman of the Young Republican National Federation and vocal opponent of gay marriage, who was accused of sexually assaulting a 22-year-old man in 2007.
“We laugh at or make fun of such blatant hypocrisy, but in a real way, these people may often themselves be victims of repression and experience exaggerated feelings of threat,” says Ryan. “Homophobia is not a laughing matter. It can sometimes have tragic consequences,” Ryan says, pointing to cases such as the 1998 murder of Matthew Shepard or the 2011 shooting of Larry King.
To explore participants’ explicit and implicit sexual attraction, the researchers measured the discrepancies between what people say about their sexual orientation and how they react during a split-second timed task. Students were shown words and pictures on a computer screen and asked to put these in “gay” or “straight” categories. Before each of the 50 trials, participants were subliminally primed with either the word “me” or “others” flashed on the screen for 35 milliseconds. They were then shown the words “gay,” “straight,” “homosexual,” and “heterosexual” as well as pictures of straight and gay couples, and the computer tracked precisely their response times. A faster association of “me” with “gay” and a slower association of “me” with “straight” indicated an implicit gay orientation.
A second experiment, in which subjects were free to browse same-sex or opposite-sex photos, provided an additional measure of implicit sexual attraction.
Through a series of questionnaires, participants also reported on the type of parenting they experienced growing up, from authoritarian to democratic. Students were asked to agree or disagree with statements like: “I felt controlled and pressured in certain ways,” and “I felt free to be who I am.” For gauging the level of homophobia in a household, subjects responded to items like: “It would be upsetting for my mom to find out she was alone with a lesbian” or “My dad avoids gay men whenever possible.”
Finally, the researcher measured participants’ level of homophobia – both overt, as expressed in questionnaires on social policy and beliefs, and implicit, as revealed in word-completion tasks. In the latter, students wrote down the first three words that came to mind, for example for the prompt “k i _ _”. The study tracked the increase in the amount of aggressive words elicited after subliminally priming subjects with the word “gay” for 35 milliseconds.
Across all the studies, participants with supportive and accepting parents were more in touch with their implicit sexual orientation, while participants from authoritarian homes revealed the most discrepancy between explicit and implicit attraction.
“In a predominately heterosexual society, ‘know thyself’ can be a challenge for many gay individuals. But in controlling and homophobic homes, embracing a minority sexual orientation can be terrifying,” explains Weinstein. These individuals risk losing the love and approval of their parents if they admit to same sex attractions, so many people deny or repress that part of themselves, she said.
In addition, participants who reported themselves to be more heterosexual than their performance on the reaction time task indicated were most likely to react with hostility to gay others, the studies showed. That incongruence between implicit and explicit measures of sexual orientation predicted a variety of homophobic behaviors, including self-reported anti-gay attitudes, implicit hostility towards gays, endorsement of anti-gay policies, and discriminatory bias such as the assignment of harsher punishments for homosexuals, the authors conclude.
“This study shows that if you are feeling that kind of visceral reaction to an out-group, ask yourself, ‘Why?'” says Ryan. “Those intense emotions should serve as a call to self-reflection.”
The study had several limitations, the authors write. All participants were college students, so it may be helpful in future research to test these effects in younger adolescents still living at home and in older adults who have had more time to establish lives independent of their parents and to look at attitudes as they change over time.
Other contributors to the paper include Cody DeHaan and Nicole Legate from the University of Rochester, Andrew Przybylski from the University of Essex, and William Ryan from the University of California in Santa Barbara. (via)
Lets not beat around the bush here, Rick Santorum is the definition of a Bigot. It’s clear as the nose on your face. He hates people based on what they are, not how they act. Now he has taken it a step further, and wants to actively work to hurt people he is bigoted against.
There are 18,000 married gay and lesbian couples in California and at least 131,000 nationwide according to the 2010 census, conducted before New York state legalized same-sex marriage in July.
Rick Santorum says he’ll try to unmarry all of them if he’s elected president.
Once the U.S. Constitution is amended to prohibit same-gender marriages, “their marriage would be invalid,” the former Pennsylvania senator said Dec. 30 in an NBC News interview.
“We can’t have 50 different marriage laws in this country,” he said. “You have to have one marriage law.” (via)
He also thinks Kennedy was a chump for assuring the public that his Catholic views wouldn’t lead his policy…
WASHINGTON – Republican presidential hopeful Rick Santorum said Sunday that he doesn’t believe in the separation of church and state, adding that he was sickened by John F. Kennedy’s assurances to Baptist ministers 52 years ago that he would not impose his Catholic faith on them.
“I don’t believe in an America where the separation of church and state is absolute,” Santorum, a devout Catholic, said in an interview from Michigan on ABC’s “This Week.”
“The First Amendment means the free exercise of religion and that means bringing people and their faith into the public square.”(via)
Not only is this foolish, do we really want to live in a theocracy? But it shows that this man has very little understanding of history, or the American Constitution. The only way to maintain freedom of religion in this country is to maintain freedom FROM religion. Look at any political state that instates an “official” religion. They either become barbaric theocracies (Iran, Israel, Palestine, etc etc), or the public by and large become atheist (most of Europe). And you know why most of Europe is now atheist? Because they remember the dark ages, the last time theocracy ran the world. I am all for people becoming atheists, but not if it means we have to have a second dark age.
The sad part about this is that Santorum actually thinks these things, and that a large number of Americans do to.
There are some who claim that science ruins the mystical excitement of this world. They claim that once you reduce everything down to atoms, and physics, and math that you have lost some essential wonder or glory or excitement. I fully reject this notion, I feel like an piece of art is even more enjoyable if you understand the chemical process of the paint, of the molecular structure of the stone. I feel that knowing more about emotions, like love, allows you to more fully appreciate the awesome grandeur of the human experience.
This video is a perfect example of that. These people are taking the ultimate in human emotion, love, and having it “reduced” to a number. Having it “diminished” to a series of electrical impulses in the brain. And far from being reduced by the process they are uplifted and enriched. Knowing that love is a series of chemical reactions in their brain, that can be reduced to a “score” did nothing to limit the joy these people felt.
In fact I would make the argument that now these people know that love is not something ephemeral, never to be understood. They know that love is real, that they can have it, and that it can exist, that is can even be measured. I think each person left that office with a sense of hope and wonder and awe. They are marveling at their own minds, and I am sure upon reflection marveling at the process that created their minds.