At last! A judge ordered the FDA to allow the morning after pill, Plan B, to be available over the counter!
Hurrah!
Plan B is not my favorite pill to take, because it can be crampy and make you cranky, but seriously, the drug is as safe as anything and it’s important to have access to it.
Yay for sensibility taking over. No need to have be legislating sexual morality.
Bang with Friends: it’s useability is clunky at best, but I love the concept.
Ya’ll had to have known I’d review Bang With Friends so you can decide if you want to use it or not.
Of course, it’s kind of useless if you don’t all use it, so you better just sign up now & we’ll all see how it goes together.
So here is the situation. It’s an incredibly low tech/low input site that connects via Facebook to allow you to choose friends you might be interesting in, well, banging. I guess that’s why it’s so simple. Because it’s just that simple.
You basically agree to let it access your facebook, and then a page indiscriminately comes up with all of your friends profile photos. It’s like a sloppy collage. Below the name you can click “Down to Bang” or keep scrolling.
Once clicked, their photo is just there with “Awaiting Bang” glaring you in the face – like all of your failed flirtations just flaunting themselves for the world to see.
It’s nerve wracking!
Next! Someone that you have clicked on clicks on you. Then you get an email (to your real email address, not to your facebook address, which kind of annoyed me because email is more real to me and only for real and important things, not like messing around on this website). The email is entitled “It’s flirtin’ time!” and comes from “pimpin.” (Really? Cute or gross?! Not sure). It happily tells you “This fuck brought to you by Bang With Friends,” which I appreciate. Score for foul language.
You can click the link and see who said they would bang you.
(Never fear, privacy protectors! You only get an email saying someone is into you if you’ve also clicked them. There is no way they will ever know unless you both indicated interest).
Now, if said bang buddy has the gall to email you (might as well, since now you know anyway!), you get another email from pimpin telling you “It’s bangin’ time!” Addressed to “Hey, sexy,” they want you to know “Your friend wants to knock boots with you!” (Again, for the most part I appreciate their ridiculous lingo). Hilariously, if you email someone first, it suggests some starter text “Hey baby, let’s get a little more comfortable.” Which would make me decidedly uncomfortable, but whatever gets people to get some, I guess.
So here are my technical qualms:
-I got all trigger happy and just started clicking people! Oh yes, I’d bang them! Without thinking about it. And it appears there is no way to unclick them. What if I accidentally clicked them? What if I would have hooked up with them last week, but this week I’m over them? What if since I clicked that I was “down to bang” said person, they started dating my best friend?! The tragedies.
–There needs to be a search function!!! What if I signed up with a specific desire to bang in mind? I know who my friends are. I know which of them I would do. Why can’t I just get to it and find them, rather than scroll through everyone (somewhat embarrassingly), fretfully looking for that person, who may never pop up?! Arghh!!
-There is literally no discrimination regarding who you can click and not click on. Not that I’m facebook friends with anyone’s grandma, but I certainly don’t want to be clicking my cousins, siblings, or best friend’s aunt. There should be a filter that makes it so your family isn’t an option. For uncles with different last names/you haven’t listed them as family, there should be a “dude, that’s my uncle, don’t ever show me their picture again” button. I know they’ve said they are working on this, but it can’t be that hard.
-There should also be a way you can create your own filters. Like a “no way I’d never bang them please don’t show me their picture” button for your best friend’s little sister. Or a “I just broke up with this person, please hide their face from me for the next 6 months or appropriate waiting time for me to try to bang them again.” Honestly, I feel a little bit like I violated some of my friends just by looking at their profile picture via this forum. Some people have pictures of their infant babies as their profile picture. I couldn’t help but be like “OH NO! BABY! & I’m not a homewrecker!” I want to filter out these people too. I love you, but don’t want to violate you with my inappropriate glances. Basically, I just want to categorize all my friends.
-There was an early user complaint that you could only pick people of the opposite gender. Which is obviously fucked up and unacceptable and totally archaic. They seem to have solved the problem, but in a really sloppy way. I guess not everyone indicates their gender on their facebook page, so that may be the root of this problem, but when you first open the page it shows you literally everyone. Then you can click on the gender symbol for male or female, but really, that doesn’t work either, because if I never said my gender on facebook, I’ll go in either category. I know it’s a little much to ask this service to let me say “I am generally more attracted to female identified folks” or whathaveyou, but I get the feeling this will be a problem for some people. Some dudes just want to do dudes and not find their lady friends on Bang With Friends. (My personal feelings about gender identity aside…)
-I wouldn’t mind if there was an option to email me even if I didn’t click you. I mean, of course they could just regular email me, but this forum might just give them the kick in the pants they need to say “hey, you would definitely do.” Maybe I just hadn’t thought of you in that way, but I will once you email me.
My emotional qualms:
Well, really I don’t actually have any emotional qualms because I wholeheartedly support the idea of having it be fine to occasionally sleep with your friends if everyone is being mature & smart & safe & communicative about it. (Though one could argue if you needed this app to make it happen, you may not have those things, but….)
But the experience did make me stop in my tracks a bit. How responsible do I have to be for who I click on? How seriously should I take it? What if I would sleep with one of my married friends? I mean, I have a friend with a kid who I have the craziest sexual chemistry with. If the opportunity to cheat fell in my lap, I wouldn’t say no. I guess he knows this already though, so maybe it’s a moot point. It still gave me some moments of existential crisis. Should I cast a wider net, or a more conservative net?!
It’s a lot easier to click on someone in an abstract way than it is to actually fuck them. I guess when it got down to it, you could back out.
All these things made me really pull back on my trigger happy clicking. I guess I felt I really should be able to put my money where my mouth is (my pussy where my click is?) and only click the people I truly would in fact fuck right then and there. Some messy questions can come up about whether or not you’d be willing to risk that friendship for a fuck, but the hope is if they are clicking you, they’ve thought it through, too.
Frankly, friendships get ruined by this sorta mess anyway, so why not get laid more often by the people you love already?
Overall, dead serious, I love this idea. It’s 8 bazillion times better than getting drunk and accidentally fucking your friend. At least you both consciously and soberly said it seemed like a good idea, and then had to exchange at least one awkward laugh/email/text/conversation about it to make it happen.
So, go forth and sign up. Then tell me you are down to bang, and it’s kind of likely I’ll do it.
xox
Happy V-Day once again! Time flies. Per the usual, I’d recommend a viewing of the Vagina Monologues – find one in your area and go if you’ve never been!
For the 15th anniversary of V-Day, check out the One Billion Rising campaign to end violence against women.
Since women kind of cleaned house last night in the elections and Akin and Murdock so didn’t win, I’m feeling a wave of relief I had been waiting for.
Jaded as I am, it’s time to take a minute to celebrate these victories and the small steps forward we are taking as a nation. We voted, and we said no thanks to all the men saying ridiculous horribleness about women’s bodies, rape, abortion. And I actually think young generations have some progress to look forward to. We aren’t going to outlaw gay marriage forever and ever off into the sunset. It just won’t happen. We are moving on.
We elected the first openly gay Senator! Oh Tammy Baldwin! In a lot of ways, I was more excited about that than any other aspect of the election. We are over it enough to elect a lesbian. That is a step. Seriously.
Plus, the voters all did right given the choice on gay rights:
Maine legalized gay marriage!
Washington upheld gay marriage!
Maryland upheld gay marriage!
Minnesota voted to not change the constitution to ban gay marriage.
And for a breakdown, here is my new favorite graphic for gay rights state by state. Slowly but surely!
YAY!
Todd Akin, the Republican nominee for Senate in Missouri seems wicked hella smart having talked to “doctors” who let him know the real truth – that if a rape is “legitimate” the female body will get all fancy and will “shut that whole thing down.” Now it would be lovely if your body would just reject the sperm of a rapist, but that’s sadly not based in anything medical whatsoever.
Then he goes on to say if “maybe that didn’t work, or something” the woman should still not be allowed to have an abortion, because the rapist should be punished, not the child.
Medical nonsense aside, is this man serious? Does he get to decide what a “legitimate” rape is?!
It’s actually kind of chilling.
I’m sure if he had the biological ability to have a child and got raped, he’d totally keep that baby, if his body magically decided that rape was legit, of course.
Fucking sick.
Kathleen Sebelius, the Health and Human Services Secretary, and I haven’t always been on the best of terms. I was appalled when she overode the FDA recommendations on Emergency Contraception. I’m pretty sure a Health and Human Services secretary had never publicly overruled what the FDA suggested, and this was just bollocks. It’s great that EC is available now in the pharmacy without a prescription (what a hassle it was back when we needed to go to Planned Parenthood to get one. Lord am I glad I will never have to go that again. UGH). But given the fact that EC was found no more harmful than something like acetaminophen, and that can be found right next to the cough drops and bandaids, why can’t the EC be right there next to them!?! Bring on the access!
Anyway, I digress. Today is the day Kathleen Sebelius and I get to be on good terms. She gets to let us all know that something kick ass happened in the world of birth control. No more co-pays for birth control! Thanks, Obama! Of course it’s not all magic and sunshine (only private plans are effected, it may take a while to kick in, it won’t work if you are on medicaid, if you work for a religious organization you are still fucked – not in the good way, etc.) But it still is a great day in terms of moving towards something good. Progress is progress!
But you’ve just gotta love this photo of Kathleen Sebelius with her poster “Simply Being a Woman is No Longer a Preexisting Condition.”
That’s just the sort of talk that makes me feel okay about the world for a minute.
Because seriously not having babies is a key aspect to being able to enjoy sex to the fullest.
And access to birth control is crucial to not having babies. Didn’t Dan Savage once say the worst STD is an unplanned pregnancy? Did I imagine that?
Anyway, go forth and do it and get all not knocked up. Hurrah!
I was glad to see this video this morning – a happy little PSA about not abusing the ladies in your life.
Of course it’s sad we need to be reminded, but it’s also important that politics tackles these matters on every level. The sad truth is that we need these PSA’s. Silence about abuse is the worst weapon.
I just finished reading Sister of Silence, a brutal memoir about a young girl who marries her rapist when she gets pregnant at a young age. The thing that really struck me about the book is how she didn’t even realize she was in an abusive situation until she heard someone else tell her story and think to herself “that’s just what happened to me.”
Speaking up, telling your story, Take Back the Night, PSA’s about violence against women – these can be the moments when women realize that their situation is not okay and try to get out of it.
But it’s even extra awesome that this little video is all men and they are talking to men. I am so fucking done telling women not to get abused. Time to tell men not to abuse them.
Sorry, I’m sure this is totally inappropriate and we shouldn’t be objectifying men, but I just have to post a link to these butts.
I actually laughed out loud.
Is it wrong to objectify men? I feel like I’ll never know.
Too much even going on in the media today for me to absorb it all. But, people. Please.
I can’t help but directly plagiarize myself, since next to ranting, I think the most important thing about blogging is getting people access to information.
Here is a brief list of links that I think may be helpful.
xox
GENERAL SEX INFO/EDUCATION:
Scarleteen: Sex Education for the Real World.
I can’t really recommend this blog enough. It’s upbeat, thorough and informative. Never judgmental, i wish i had this resource when i was figuring shit out.
Emily Nagoski: Sex Nerd blog
Yeeee, i respect this woman!
SEX/REPRODUCTIVE HEALTH:
Planned Parenthood
Amazing resource. Can’t say enough good about them. Birth control, abortions, health access, etc.
Our Bodies Ourselves.
General Health, woman’s health, pregnancy, sexuality, etc. This book should be in everyone’s library.
Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom
This is a great alternative health resource that i have turned to again and again to take care of myself by Dr. Christiane Northrup. It was recommended to me in a pap smear crisis and i think you need this book.
Orgasm, Inc.
This is a great new flick about the medical industries search for “pink viagra” and the medicalization of “female sexual dysfunction.” Truly fascinating and pertinent.
Cycle Savvy by Toni Weschler. Written for teens but a great way to get in touch with your cycle, track your ovulation, know your body, etc.
SEX BOOKS/GUIDES:
The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex
This book must be bought, so i’m sending you direct to a purchasing source.
Nina Hartley’s Guide to Total Sex.
(And Nina Hartley in general!!) Click this link for porn, sex education, how to’s and rockin feminist sex positive perspective.
Are We Having Fun Yet
If you read this book, you will surely know it’s so dated, but i sort of look at it as a bit groundbreaking for its time.
SEX TOYS:
Good Vibrations.
Sex Toys, sex info, amazing staff, sex positive kick ass mission, amazing museum of vibrators. Condoms, lube, dildoes, vibrators, etc. If you have any fear or questions or hesitation, go to them!
Adam & Eve
Endless supply of adult toys.
Babeland
Seriously, are you getting the picture? Buy some sex toys. It’s worth it. Explore, play, figure it out, enjoy!
HISTORY OF VIBRATORS
And while we are on the topic of sex toys, might as well learn about their history. An all time favorite topic of mine.
The Technology of Orgasm by Rachel Maines.
She is my history superhero. Ever wonder where and why vibrators were invented? Yeah, it’s good.
Passion and Power
Lil’ flick on the topic, featuring Rachel Maines herself. Dated but informative!
OPEN RELATIONSHIPS:
i would start with Tristan Taormino, one of my personal heroes. i have long respected her feminist porn and sex education, and she recently moved into the realm of relationship advice. Her book is called “Opening Up“. She is bad ass and you can sort of skip around this book like it’s a resource. You can read it cover to cover for sure, which i would recommend if you’ve never even considered non-monogamy.
Then there is always the classic, “The Ethical Slut,” which people (including me!) often complain is too hippie, but it’s good if you can get past that. Especially what they have to say about jealousy. It’s okay to be jealous when your partner is on a date with someone else, you just have to fess up to the emotion, recognize where it’s coming from, and get the support you need.
There is a more casual story-like book called “Open” by Jenny Block. This book is a narrative of Jenny’s experiences with non-monogamy. She sort of tells her life story from childhood to being in an open marriage. It’s a quick read and definitely reassuring if you feel like you are alone in your process.
Lastly, and possibly most excitingly, “Sex at Dawn.” It’s my hope and dream that their more scientific approach to questioning whether or not monogamy is natural will open up a whole new realm of investigation on the matter.
PORN
Tristan Taormino is absolutely my favorite porn director/sex educator. She has the most feminist bad ass approach to pornography and hot/sexy/informative sex education. The first film of hers i ever saw was The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Woman. She somehow combines an informative how to video with some hot damn porn. You can be into anal sex or not, i would recommend checking this out as a good intro to how porn can be more than grody degrading cum shots.
For feminist porn that isn’t instructional in nature, take a look at her Chemistry series. This is a brilliant, hot, unscripted porn series where she hires porn stars, puts them in a house together for a weekend, and films them fucking. It is so good. If you have a hard time getting into the idea of porn but are still compelled to take a look, start with this. Complete with interviews with the actors/actresses; it’s fascinating and hot.
I could go on about Tristan forever, but i will let you do some exploring on your own.
Annie Sprinkle! Goddess of Sex! So her porn is a little dated, but her books are fucking outstanding. It’s a stellar look into her life. Her website is a great resource for a sex positive outlook. One of her best contributions to society was the Public Cervix Announcement. As a post-porn performance artist, Annie did a performance piece where she invited the audience to the stage to take a look at her cervix. Thank you, Annie!
violet blue. Author of The Smart Girls Guide to Porn, violet blue knows her feminist porn. i admit that there was a time in my life i though i needed to be against porn to be a feminist. Fuck that! Porn can be fun if you have a positive approach to it and can feel good about the actors/actresses.
Eros Blog i don’t know too much or have too much to say about this blog. But it has some fascinating historical photos and crazy archives of pornographic photos. Definitely worth a look.
FEMINISM
Cunt has to be one of the best things to read, ever. If you haven’t read it, i highly recommend checking out this little gem by Inga Musico. It would not be an understatement to say it was life changing.
Eve Ensler is a great feminist author, playwright and performance artist. Her most famous work is The Vagina Monologues. It’s an incredibly powerful performance to go check out.
RAPE/SEXUAL ABUSE
Fugitivus blog. This blog is incredibly cathartic to read; it’s rightfully angry, personal, and fearless.
Healing Sex: A Mind Body Approach to Healing Sexual Trauma. This resource is by Staci Haines. It employs a somatic healing approach to overcoming sexual trauma. It is mostly directed at people abused in their youth but is a guide for anyone. I wouldn’t recommend starting to read this until you are ready to address your abuse head on.
Hope you find some of this information good and helpful!